She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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