like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
