At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
