Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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