my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
