the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Even my vagina gasped.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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