She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There's always time for handjobs
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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