foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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