I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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