Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Couch. On fire.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
