im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
