We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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