they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
