If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
