I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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