just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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