dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
