We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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