She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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