Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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