I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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