She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
