I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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