Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
