I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
