the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
