I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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