Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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