I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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