That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
