I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
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We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I wear drunk well.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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