We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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