What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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