I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
ok first of all what the fuck
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
