Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
