I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
