Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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