I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
