call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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