i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we're making bets on your personal life
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
