I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
