Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
