Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
