some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You were trust falling into bushes
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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