I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
