I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
