The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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