I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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