im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
