porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
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I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
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Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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