I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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