Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
only if we run a train.
done.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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