Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
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well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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