The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
