How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
