I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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