Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
