people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
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THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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