I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
