i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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