i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
